i've had my head in the sand for a while. i haven't blogged, or read any blogs. i took out time to study for my redhat certified system administrator exam. i traveled down to tampa and took a four day course back in december of 2011. i studied my ass off for that test. i went to class, went to the hotel, ate at the hotel, studied. then slept.
i never turned on my tv once.
i never went out of the balcony door to my room to see the water or to mingle with the parties going on right outside my window (those steel drums playing outside were so hard to resist!)
hell, i didn't even notice the balcony door in my bedroom until my third night at the hotel!
i didn't surf the web, unless it was to better understand a test objective.
well . . . on that friday, i took the exam. i learned that the most valuable lesson was to not get rattled during the exam. that was the best tip i received from another co-worker who took the exam, but unfortunately failed it (though he got really close. he'll get it next time, i'm sure).
i finished all objectives with only three minutes left on the clock (exam was timed).
i felt good about it-- but you don't get the results immediately.
i flew home and waited all evening.
i waited all day saturday.
i finally gave up late saturday night.
sunday morning, i got an e-mail.
passed!
i got a pdf of my certificate to print out at my leisure along with a certification number that can be authenticated by the official redhat website.
maybe i do know what i'm doing-- a little.
now, i can breath a little.
at least, until the next certification exam comes my way . . .
/var/log/MeLog
a we(blog)about me. how narcissistic!
20120315
20120313
melog-20120313.log
today is my birthday. but, i only mention that for context.
my mother gave me a birthday card today. within it, she gave me a check for an amount of money that i will not disclose here.
but, more valuable than the check was her words on the card which read:
i was quite touched. i could tell that she was proud of me and my choices overall. i have a family, i work for a living, and i (so far) have stayed out of the prison system. none of my other male siblings can say all of these things together. i think that gives my mother a sense of relief that maybe she at least got parenting right with one of her kids.
but, i also hear something sad in her words. i felt as though she was telling me goodbye-- as if she is keenly aware that her journey in this life is drawing to a close. she knows that soon she won't be able to walk along our side any longer as our mother, or stand off from a distance and watch us venture out into the world for which she hoped to prepare us.
one day, i told my mom that my peers and I frequently repeat the same conversation about our parents.
she smiled and quipped-- what? you talk about how much we still get on your nerves.
"no", i told her. "we always talk about how we worry more and more about that day when we'll have to live the rest of our lives without you."
we both fell silent, acknowledging the inevitability of it all.
i love you mom.
i'm so glad you sacrificed all of your energy loving me, too. i only hope i can be half the parent that you were to my kids.
my mother gave me a birthday card today. within it, she gave me a check for an amount of money that i will not disclose here.
but, more valuable than the check was her words on the card which read:
it has been a joy being your mother!
i was quite touched. i could tell that she was proud of me and my choices overall. i have a family, i work for a living, and i (so far) have stayed out of the prison system. none of my other male siblings can say all of these things together. i think that gives my mother a sense of relief that maybe she at least got parenting right with one of her kids.
but, i also hear something sad in her words. i felt as though she was telling me goodbye-- as if she is keenly aware that her journey in this life is drawing to a close. she knows that soon she won't be able to walk along our side any longer as our mother, or stand off from a distance and watch us venture out into the world for which she hoped to prepare us.
one day, i told my mom that my peers and I frequently repeat the same conversation about our parents.
she smiled and quipped-- what? you talk about how much we still get on your nerves.
"no", i told her. "we always talk about how we worry more and more about that day when we'll have to live the rest of our lives without you."
we both fell silent, acknowledging the inevitability of it all.
i love you mom.
i'm so glad you sacrificed all of your energy loving me, too. i only hope i can be half the parent that you were to my kids.
Labels:
birthday card,
mom
20110820
melog-20110820.log
wow! this article expresses my frustration with reality tv in a way i couldn't say on my own:
we should all think about this very seriously.
as for feeling useless-- amazing what a pizza, a red stripe jamacan lager, and good night of sleep can do. also, troubleshooting a pc for someone and knowing exactly what to do to fix it helps, too.
i feel better now.
20110819
melog-20110819.log
more on (not) measuring up . . .
but, this time, not with television, but in the workplace.
i never felt like an expert or guru at anything. maybe good or really good at some things, but i don't feel like i've created any master pieces in my life in any field of study.
i work every day and do my best to grow and contribute. i reach for professionalism. i was never formally trained in what i currently do. i just picked it up. i'm good at it. the theme of this blog is even lightly centered around the kind of work that i do.
but wow! what do you do when new people show up and seem light years ahead of you in their sheer knowledge and adeptness-- and are also ten years younger than you?!
makes me feel like an old dog that can't learn new tricks-- and didn't learn any good ones when i had the chance.
feelings like that can make you wonder if you're a failure-- and if you're even useful any more.
and no one wants to become obsolete in this stinking economy!!
as the big contraction of economic viability causes unemployment to grow, being upstaged can feel quite threatening . . .
and can make you feel down right useless, too.
just paint a big ol' L on my forehead.
20110818
melog-20110818.log.1
i got a great deal on a 50 inch tv. it's a dlp television. so, it's "old" by today's standards. it's a big projection tv. you have to replace the bulb and color wheel now and then. the person who sold it to me had already put a new bulb in. i bought it and then bought a new color wheel since it was making this horrible squealing noise. the seller warned me about it, so i knew full well what i was getting into.
i bought the part and fixed it. he sold the tv to me for $200. the color wheel was about $100.
so, i got a tv that once costed anywhere from $800 to $1000 for $300.
but, what i wasn't prepared for was after i relocated the cable in our house and all the tv programs started playing.
the big screen seems to enhance the power of television-- a power that i'm starting to despise.
tv has this ability to take people you've never met and force you to compare yourself to them. and the results are hardly ever good. then, commercals come on to feed your mind into thinking that if you buy their stuff, you will measure up.
or, if you could just be like the people you see on tv, you'll be living the "good life".
so you end up giving up your life to sit on the couch and watch people on (so called) reality tv shows do mundane things-- just with more style than you do them. and you wish you were doing what they do-- even though they are most likely doing very little that's different from what you could be doing if you got off the couch and went and tried it yourself (minus all the swank and style).
i can watch a good sci-fi, thriller, comedy, or action movie. i love an informative documentory and even a "reality" tv contest (like amazing race, survivor, or expedition impossible for example). i can even stomach an occasional heartwarming story or tear jerker.
but's these damn reality tv shows where people just bitch back and forth about how she's a liar and he's a cheat, and "they don't got my back" simply suck ass.
they only show whiny people manufacture sub-par drama while somehow making you feel like you'll never measure up to their standard of living. after all-- they are so important that even when they whine about their nails-- they should be televised!!!
ugh!
i love my 50 in. tv.
and i hate it, too.
or maybe i just hate the cable programming garbage that pumps through it, cause i gotta have my netflix.
melog-20110818.log.0
yesterday my daughter and i had a peculiar conversation:
daughter: daddy . . . are you my step-dad? (six years old, been in 1st grade for only one week)
me: do you even know what a "step-dad" is?
daughter: yeah. a step-dad is a dad who takes care of someone else's child.
me: well . . . how do you think you can find the answer without asking me?
daughter: i know . . . i can call grandma!
so, we took the phone and called grandma (my mother).
grandma: hello? (as she answers the phone)
daughter: (totally skips the greeting) is daddy my step-dad?
grandma: what?!?!
my daughter felt confident that "grandma" was actually *my* mom and therefore, i was her *dad* and not her step-dad.
i asked my wife if she overheard.
"yeah", was my wife's response. "she asked me the same question before she came in there and asked you".
apparently my wife tried to fool our daughter by saying that she was indeed her step-mom, but my daughter didn't believe that for a second.
funny that she had her doubts about me.
melog-20110818.log
well, i diagnosed my car problems correctly. once i found that the fuel filted wasn't the fix, i started looking at the spark plugs.
but i didn't feel comfortable changing those.
but, my car started making this horrible, dreadful knocking sound. i thought it was the end!
but, i read the car manual and saw how a pully could be loose or a tooth on the gear that pulls the belt could be missing. i had a bit more hope after reading that. so, i towed it to the repair shop.
they changed my spark plugs and that fixed the lull in my takeoff and acceleration. the knocking sound was a pully and they also found that persistant, pesky oil leak that that no one could ever fix-- behind the pully!
awsome moment of troubleshooting; awful moment in car expenses.
any way, now i can get to work again.
but i didn't feel comfortable changing those.
but, my car started making this horrible, dreadful knocking sound. i thought it was the end!
but, i read the car manual and saw how a pully could be loose or a tooth on the gear that pulls the belt could be missing. i had a bit more hope after reading that. so, i towed it to the repair shop.
they changed my spark plugs and that fixed the lull in my takeoff and acceleration. the knocking sound was a pully and they also found that persistant, pesky oil leak that that no one could ever fix-- behind the pully!
awsome moment of troubleshooting; awful moment in car expenses.
any way, now i can get to work again.
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