i cooked tonight, but no one ate. not even my son-- and he's always hungry.
see why i hardly bother with cooking?
my wife had a string of bad events happen to her today. they would probably seem insignificant to someone else (at least some of them, at least one of these events is actually fairly serious), but for her, they are the end of the world and i see her sinking into this dark place really fast. i hope she'll be ok and pull through.
i'm a bit worried. not about the events that happened. i think they will actually be ok in time. but, i'm worried more about my wife not standing up under the stress of it all. i'm trying to hold her up, but it's hard to brace up a structure that is crumbling in your hands.
sometimes i feel like a beast of burden, pulling the load of everyone else around me up a hill. in my cart, my wife and children are there. my mother and my brother in prison. my mother-in-law and her struggles with her own 98 year old mother.
i don't worry so much about the fact that I'm carrying other people's load. i worry that one day, the hitch to the cart will break and roll away from me. or, i'll give out and the cart will carry the load downhill-- me along with it.
in other news today, i did squats (without weights) and dead lifts (without weights-- i know, not much of a dead lift without weights, huh?) and calf raises. i have not been doing this when i worked out my lower body. i'm phasing this in. i. am. sore. i didn't do any cardio because my legs hurt too damned much.
but, after i recover, i'll try to keep the new addition to my routine going. then, i'll gradually add weights into the routine-- in time.
wow. that's all the good news i have for tonight.