some of it is also not having the wherewithal to describe everything that is happening. it's like trying to explain what happened at work to someone who has no idea what you do for your career. you can't clearly communicate much if you don't take the time to lay some ground work first.
there isn't any context.
trying to build context can be lengthy, sometimes. the talker doesn't feel like saying it all, and the listener sure as hell doesn't feel like listening, either.
that's one of the reasons why old friends that you've had for years are so priceless. they know the context and they keep up with it as it changes and evolves. sometimes, you don't even have to speak-- they already know the context and understand where you're coming from when you sigh, moan, grunt, or simply fall silent.
i'm not up for building the kind of context that it would take to go into all that is going on right now in my life. at least, not here in this blog.
i will say, however, that i realized that today i have a deep regret.
i regret not being able to say that i have a life time of study in anything. i'm good at a lot of things, but i'm not a master at anything. i see people almost half my age coming along, showing great promise and talent in some many interesting things.
i just sort of fell into what i do. but, some of these kids-- they were born with a motherboard in their laps. I'm running into 20 somethings with 15 years of experience with computers. that's hard to compete with when you ambled into the field only ten years ago-- and took about five years to even understand what you like about the field.
anyhow . . . i feel a bit inferior today. not too bad, but it can't deny it. throwing down a few sam adam's helped a little bit. so did the belgium chocolate cheese cake and the honey-mustard, chipotle chicken crispers and the strawberry smoothie-- with a mountain of whip cream on top.
oh, and i had mozzarella sticks, too.
i'm gonna be sick tomorrow.
i've gotten lax on my exercising. i haven't totally given up. i haven't gained it all back or anything. but, i need to get back on it before i find myself filled with more regret six months down the road.
my wife gave me the evening to hang out by myself tonight since she get's so many "girls' night" outings. she's ten to my two, or something like that.
i've been tempted to drop this blog and revert back to the other one i had "uruk's black box". i have no idea why. it wouldn't matter much in the end. kind of stupid to change around low profile blog.
well, had better wrap it up. i'm at a coffee shop and they look like they're trying to close up.
the wireless signal is strong with this place.