i really need some caffeine right now.
work has really been stressful (but at times, rewarding) lately. a lot of deadlines have hit me in this month. i'm reaching them, but it's talking a lot of effort. recently, my wife called me to meet over lunch. just as i got ready to get up, my desk phone rings with an urgent issue. lunch got cancelled. i had to tell her i couldn't make it after all. my heart sank a little bit at having to disappoint her like that. i felt like i was turning into a workaholic.
my heart pounds at night sometimes when it's all quiet and i'm trying to fall asleep. i wonder if my heart is about to give out. i wonder if maybe a panic attack is trying to sneak up on me. maybe it's death sneaking up on me.
so this week, i didn't drink any coffee-- but just green tea instead. i love green tea. but, i love coffee much, much more. i don't expect i'll ever give up coffee; i am a true addict to coffee. if coffee were an illegal substance, i'd be in prison for sure. but, i worry that all the coffee, plus the recent stress of the workplace, plus home life has got me a bit on edge. i noticed that last night, my heart didn't pond so much. i think laying off on the coffee has helped.
that sucks. i don't want that to be the solution to my problem.
i don't have any tea at home. my wife caught a movie while i was sleeping in from working so much. my kids woke me and begged to have friends over. so here i am-- feening for coffee and hoping my wife got my text about bring me home some tea since i'm stuck at the house making sure the kids don't kill each other or tear the house down. i could just make some . . . the beans are sitting just over there. i see them. they're right there.
which is worse? a pounding heart or a caffeine headache?
4 comments:
I'm not sure where you live but I hope you are safe tonight.
Yes! I'm fine. I'm touched by you asking! The storms that blew through our country didn't really come my way, though some rough weather did pass through just recently. My heart really goes out to those who saw the worst of it. Makes me wanna cry just thinking about it . . .
I moved to Oklahoma last June and live about 3 miles from where it hit (all fine!). It is really scary.
OH-- yikes! Glad to hear you're OK-- especially considering these circumstances. I'm quite certain this had an impact on you since you're so close to that terrible tragedy. I'd been thinking you were up north all this time.
You've moved into the realm of the Red States. Expect to be uncomfortable. I live in "the South". I've met some West Coast people who have relocated here. All of them express frustration at how different things are down here.
And I always ask them-- how did you end up here?!
So . . . how did you end up here in the Red Zone?
Maybe you'll share with an upcoming blog post?
Again, glad to hear you're safe. I hope it stays that way. Weather gets rocky across the South as spring turns to summer and summer turns into fall. Tornado season is in. Take care of yourself.
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